Friday, July 28, 2017

My Weekend Crush

I’ve never wanted to be punched in the face by someone more. Look, I’m generally a very nonviolent person. I’ve never gotten into a physical fight (sibling tussles don’t count). I’ve never even broken a bone (despite my perennial klutziness). But I would KILL to have Charlize Theron punch me. Or hip toss me. Or kick me in the throat. Charlize has really become one of the most dynamic action stars of our time. I guess it shouldn’t surprise anyone that the woman who broke out thanks to her big fight scene with Teri Hatcher in “2 Days in the Valley” should make a career out of kicking ass. I don’t know if “Atomic Blonde” will be any good when it opens today (though, hot damn, do I want it to be based on that ridiculously hot trailer). But I already know Charlize will be awesome, because she always is. Furiosa awesome? We can only hope. Happy weekend ass kicking, all.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Fuck Trump In Particular, Part Infinity

Just once in 2017 I would like to wake up and not be absolutely horrified by the state of this country. Just once in 2017 I would like to wake up and not be absolutely disgusted by the pathetic little man we have somehow allowed to assume the presidency (despite losing by 3 million votes – ahem forever). Just once in 2017 I would like to wake up and not be absolutely terrified for black, brown, foreign, immigrant, Muslim, transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, poor and any other marginalized people this administration is attacking daily. Just once in 2017 I would like to wake up and not have to think about the absolute worst person in the world, Donald Fucking Trump.

But, alas, I can’t. I haven’t. I won’t. Not until this monstrous excuse for a human is removed from the presidency. I have no confidence that the GOP-controlled House or Senate will find its backbone. I have no confidence that Trump voters will find their souls. My only hope is that all the people who stayed home, all the people who thought Trump and Hillary were the same, all the people who voted for Jill Stein, all the people who listened to Susan Goddamn Sarandon might wake up. That we, the progressives and liberals and sane people of this country – who, and this cannot be emphasized enough, outnumber the small-minded and conservative – come together and do everything in our power to remove this menace from the White House.

And, guess what, your preferred candidate in 2018 or 2020 might not be The One. Your might have to compromise. You might have to vote for your second choice. You might have to accept that progress is often painfully slow. But the alternative to moving forward (and, let’s be perfectly clear, that is electing Democrats over Republicans) is Trump and this infernal administration.

Remember when your progressive favs argued there would never be a safer time to vote for a third party than in 2016? I do. Remember when moderate conservatives argued Trump was really pro-LGBT and supported gay rights? I do. Remember when he held up a rainbow flag upside down? I do. Remember when the Hate Pumpkin himself had the audacity to tweet this out? I fucking do.



And then yesterday happened when I woke up to a buzzing phone that said Trump tweeted he will not “allow or accept” transgender people to serve in any capacity in the military. He said this was because of the “burden” of their medical costs and the “disruption” of their presence. Yes, he banned transfolk from the military on fucking Twitter.



So yeah, you read that right, the poor little rich boy who got five draft deferments from Vietnam because of “bone spurs” wants to kick out 15,000 patriotic trans servicemembers. Never mind that according to a Defense Department-commissioned study published just last year the military spends at least 10 times more a year on erectile dysfunction drugs ($84 million annually) compared to trans-related medical care ($2.4-$8.4 million annually). Never mind that the same study estimated the increase in cost is a minuscule fraction (a tiny 0.13-percent or $8.4 million out of $6.2 billion) of the military’s total healthcare costs. Nope, trans folks gotta go because to save us from this disruptive burden. Interesting, well I can’t wait his imminent banning of limp dicks because of the disruptive burden they are on the military.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, a Trump trip down to Mar-A-Lago costs about $3.6 million for taxpayers per pop and he has been there 11 weekends out of his 27 weeks in office. I’m not great at the maths, but say if he spent two weekends in Washington instead that “burden” sure seems like it might be lifted. Weird. Almost makes it seem like it’s not about the money after all.

But, oh no, Trump’s LGBT-lovin’ ways weren’t done for the day. Then it broke that his Department of Justice argued in federal court that gay people aren't protected from discrimination under Title VII. That racist Keebler Elf Jeff Sessions has his DOJ file a brief – in a case the department wasn’t even directly involved in – to explicitly say it’s A-OK to discriminate against homosexuals. Also, yes, the brief used the term “homosexuals,” and not LGBT because of fucking course it did.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS FUCKING ADMINISTRATION.

Look, politics and politicians are almost always disappointing. I get that. But this isn’t about your feelings and your hopes and your dreams for a utopian world. This is about how this administration and its policies are hurting real people right now. Be it a trans servicemember or a Islamic refugee or a Latino immigrant or people with pre-existing medical conditions (oh yeah, don’t forget they’re actively trying to strip tens of millions of Americans of their healthcare as we speak). Real people, real pain.

My promise to you is I will do everything I can to remove this man from office. I will not become disenchanted because I’m not getting everything I want. I will not turn my back on the most vulnerable communities out of sullenness or apathy. It’s not about me, it’s about we the people. And we the people deserve so much better than this unending parade of hate. Fuck Donald Trump.

And to our brave trans military members, thank you for your service. To scared trans youth, we love you. Seek help if you are hurting. You can find it at www.translifeline.org or by calling 877-565-8860. And once more, with all of the feelings, fuck Donald Trump.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Star-Crossed Lovers

Spoiler Alert: Full-on lesbian processing about the finale of “Doctor Who” Season 10 is about to happen. And, yeah, don’t watch that video is you don’t wanna feel the feels.

I’ve been terribly behind on my TV watching (having nightly panic attacks about the rapidly declined state of our country and rage blackouts at having to beg Republican congressmen not to kill us just so they can give millionaires tax cuts is really cutting into my leisure time, you know). But last weekend I finally caught up on the most recent season of “Doctor Who.” And, after thinking about it and thinking about it and rewatching some epsiodes I’ve decided – I like it, I really liked it.

Because of the delay between me watching the first episode and then the last, I had forgotten exactly how things were left between Bill Potts and Heather/The Sentient Oil Puddle. So I rewatched the finale, and then I rewatched the premiere back to back and, goodness, it works, it really works.

For those who didn’t watch this season, here is lightening recap of the story arc: lesbian chips server Bill meets a girl named Heather with a star in her eye who dreams of going places and then disappears into a sentient oil puddle that then chases Bill through space and time because, you know, insert lesbian U-Hauling joke. Bill convinces Heather/Puddle to let her go and then travels through space and time with The Doctor instead. But then she gets turned into a killer robot/Cyberman (which is bad – and kind of kills her) and Heather/Puddle returns to save her and turn her into a sentient puddle and then travel all of space and time together instead. The end.

So, technically – Bill dies-ish. So you could considered this a Bury Your Gays/Dead Lesbian Syndrome candidate. But it was also something more. I remember when I watched the season premiere it felt so melancholy. We’re meeting Bill at the same time she is losing this girl who just might be the one. So in the finale it all comes back around in the most unexpected and unexpectedly welcome way. Sure, Bill isn’t human anymore. But we’re all just atoms that can be rearranged any way you like now she is something else. And that something else gets to travel all of space and time with her girlfriend.

I’d place the finale of “Doctor Who” Season 10 in the same realm of “San Junipero.” That’s another story with the quite literal burying of the lesbians (like, for real, you see a burial). But the two women live happily ever after in the great virtual hereafter. A computer simulated reality, all of space and time. Whatever it takes to get our lesbian happy endings, hey, I’ll take it.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

No Wavering on Waverly

Things I didn’t know about Dominique Provost-Chalkley (a.k.a. the ever-adorable and thankfully no longer black-eyed, demon-possessed Waverly Earp).

1. She can dance. Like really, really dance.

2. She is British. Like really, really British.

I don’t know how it took me this long to realize either one. I blame not knowing about her British accent because I am one of those people who prefers reading interviews to watching them (sorry all media companies and your insane video pushes) and therefore just had never heard her speak out loud outside of her character. I also credit her incredible acting because I did not hear even a hint of that British-person-doing-an-American-accent thing you often hear when a British person does an American accent. But now that I know what her true voice sounds like, HELLO.



As for the dancing thing, well, I should have guessed after that “everyone’s thing”-cheerleading routine. And her well-toned midriff is continually on display on the show. Is that like written into her contract or what. But check it, homegirl can move.



Right, as if there weren’t enough reasons to love Dominique and WayHaught already. But, just to be safe, better watch that cheerleading scene one more time.

p.s. I could not be more thrilled by the news from over the weekend that “Wynonna Earp” has been picked up for a third season. (Way)Haught damn, that is well deserved.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Naked Lady Monday

It’s the most wonderful time...of the year. Yes, it’s The Body Issue time, which is here to tide us over with our sporty ladies fix until the Olympics roll around again. This year’s crop features a slew of talented athletes. I’m also pleased they at least tried to pose each of the athletes engaging in poses somewhat related to their sport. No more creampuff shots of naked ladies, dudes. Just naked ladies doing the thing they do best – kicking ass. Fine, that butt shot is pretty, extremely creampuff – the puffiest. But, you know, sometimes a little sweet isn’t so bad. So without further ado-ing, ready, set, naked.

A.J. Andrews, Softball


Kirstie Ennis, Adaptive Sports


Nneka Ogwumike, Basketball


U.S. Women’s National Hockey Team


Ashley Wagner, Figure Skating


Michelle Waterson, MMA


Novlene Williams-Mills, Track & Field


Caroline Wozniacki, Tennis


Friday, July 21, 2017

My Weekend Lesbian Power Couple

Newsflash: All your favs are gay and apparently dating each other. In an interview with ESPNW released yesterday, it was revealed that Sue Bird, of the U.S. Women’s National Basketball team and the WNBA’s Seattle Storm, and Megan Rapinoe, of the U.S. Women’s National Soccer team and NWSL’s Seattle Reign, are dating. They met, and this is adorable, at the 2016 Olympics in Rio because of course their meet-cute is better/more impressive/infinitely sportier than yours.



In the same interview Sue, a 15-year veteran of the WNBA and 10-time All-Star, came out as gay.

“I'm gay. Megan's my girlfriend. ... These aren't secrets to people who know me. I don't feel like I've not lived my life. I think people have this assumption that if you're not talking about it, you must be hiding it, like it's this secret. That was never the case for me.

"It's happening when it's happening because that's what feels right. So even though I understand there are people who think I should have done it sooner, it wasn't right for me at the time. I have to be true to that. It's my journey."
Congratulation on coming to this stage of your journey, Sue. And congratulations on your super sporty relationship. This is most definitely one of those times I bemoan the fact that same-sex couples can’t produce their own biological offspring because, damn, can you imagine the athletic prowess of the Bird-Rapinoe baby?



So now I guess all that is left is to rank them on the Definitive Lesbian Power Couple List. Below Ellen and Portia (duh, because everyone is below them). Probably above Samira and Lauren (sorry, fellow writers, we’re still just writers). Less May-December than Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor (you know, not that there's anything wrong with that). Near wherever K-Stew and whomever she is currently dating (but seriously, who is it now?) Happy lesbian power coupling weekend, all.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Wonder Women

My goodness, now isn’t this some perfect timing. First the “Wonder Woman” movie comes out and we’re all transported to a paradise island of Themyscira filled with Amazons who know that when it comes to pleasure men are not necessary. And now we get a biopic about the man who created Wonder Woman and the wonder women in his own life. If you know even a little bit about Wonder Woman’s comic origins (or have perused some old copies) you know that the man who created her and went by the penname of Charles Moulton was, well, kinky as hell. So naturally the film “Professor Marston and the Wonder Women” delves into his kinks and polyamorous relationship with his wife and a female student, who helped to inspire Wonder Woman.

Now, it would be easy to go with the “Oooooh, threesome”-route with this film. But the trailer suggests something much deeper and – very thankfully – let’s the women’s role in this relationship truly shine. And it also seems to blends two of my favorite things: feminism and ladies-kissing-ladies But then, we should expect no less from lesbian filmmaker Angela Robinson, who wrote and directed the project. She is the writer-director behind your favorite campy lesbian film “D.E.B.S.” and your favorite “The L Word” sequence a.k.a. The Phone Tree. So, hell yeah, let your freak flag fly. The more wonder women, the better.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

No Time Like the Present

Just like probably everyone born after 1963, I read “A Wrinkle in Time” as a kid and loved it. How could you not? A girl travelling through the space time continuum to fight evil and save her family? Hello, yes. And now that the trailer for the new big screen adaptation I have a feeling kids old and young will remember again why they loved this story so much. The first trailer for the film from director Ava DuVernay is a feast for the eyes. And, just as exciting, is how wonderfully diverse the cast is. Look, folks, this is science fiction – we get to make the worlds we want to see. We’re bound by nothing but our imagination. So why not be inclusive? Exactly, no reason at all.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Lady Doctor Is In

You gals, you gals, WE DID IT! We ruined more men’s childhoods! A round of high vaginas to everyone! It only took 54 years, but finally we have a female Doctor Who. Yesterday it was announced that British actress Jodie Whittaker will pick up the Sonic Screwdriver as the 13th Doctor. Of course, now they have to turn it onto a Sonic Melonballer or something because ladies and boobies and such. Duh.

I’m not familiar with Jodie (I never watched “Broadchurch” or “Attack of the Block” or any other “Black Mirror” episode than “San Junipero”). But folks who know about these things seem very pleased about her casting and I am as well. I have not been a huge fan of No. 12, Peter Capaldi. He is so terribly grumpy. But I love Pearl Mackie’s Bill and very, very (very, very, very) much hope she stays on as the Companion. A white female Doctor and a queer woman of color Companion? YES, ALL OF THE PLEASES. The casting also sets up some delicious queer possibilities. Hello, sweetie – bring on River Song, bring her now.



So it seems my plans to make an all-female reboot of everything ever (“Ghostbusters,” “Star Wars,” now “Doctor Who”) is going along swimmingly – except for that whole presidential election hiccup. *stares into the endless abyss of reality and then looks back at my television* Obviously, man babies are already upset about this because there isn’t enough to be upset about in the world already. Because, sure, a more than 2,000-year-old alien who regenerates into new bodies and travels through all of space and time fighting other aliens and future and past humans and all manner of in between in a blue police all box that is bigger on the inside is totally believable as long as he is a dude. But as soon as The Doctor is a women, hold on now, let’s get a grip and go back to reality. Right. Got it, fellas. But, hey, you know what, I am 110 percent for ruining more grown men’s childhoods to make little girls this happy today.


Suck it, haters. There’s a new Doctor Who in town and she is gonna turn that Tardis into a blood yurt like all women have dreamed of for always. *witch cackle* *puff of smoke* *hail of tampons*

Edited to Add: This is for all the incensed men who have somehow stumbled their way to find this completely advertising free personal site by me, your friendly neighborhood "disingenuous feminist blogger": Welcome!